(一)谁当家
一次我问朋友:“你们夫妻俩谁当家?”Once I asked a friend, "Which of you two, husband or wife, is the boss at home?"
“当然是我当家了。”"Of course I'm the boss."朋友骄傲地回答,“我们家有一个规定,小事由妻子决定,大事都由我做主。”my friend answered proudly. "We have a rule in our family: small matters are decided by my wife, and big matters are all decided by me."
“哪些是小事,哪些算大事呢?”"Which things are small matters, and which count as big ones?"
“小事就是家里的经济问题,比如该买什么,该做什么,等等。"Small matters are the family's money issues, for example what we should buy, what we should do, and so on.大事可就多了,比如谁当美国下届总统,中国什么时候能到月球上去,人类怎么搬到火星上去住,等等,这些大事都由我考虑。”Big matters, now there are lots of those: for example who will be the next US president, when China can get to the moon, how mankind can move to Mars to live, and so on. All these big matters are for me to think about."
(二)讲究卫生
一家三口搬进了新房,妻子见丈夫和儿子不太讲究卫生,常常把屋子里搞得乱七八糟的,就在家里写了一条标语——“讲究卫生,人人有责”,想提醒丈夫和儿子讲究卫生。A family of three moved into a new home. The wife saw that her husband and son didn't care much about cleanliness and often left the rooms in a mess, so she wrote a slogan at home, "Keeping clean is everyone's responsibility," hoping to remind them to keep things clean.儿子放学回家,见了标语,拿起笔来,把标语改成了“讲究卫生,大人有责”。When the son came home from school and saw the slogan, he picked up a pen and changed it to "Keeping clean is the grown-ups' responsibility."第二天,丈夫见了,也拿出笔来,把标语改成了“讲究卫生,夫人有责”。The next day the husband saw it, also took out a pen, and changed it to "Keeping clean is the wife's responsibility."
(三)修门铃
张太太家的门铃坏了,给物业公司打电话,负责人说马上派工人去修,并问了张太太家的住址。Mrs. Zhang's doorbell was broken, so she called the property management company. The person in charge said he would send a worker right away to fix it, and asked for her address.修理工按照住址,很快骑车去了,但是不一会儿就回来了。Following the address, the repairman quickly rode off on his bike, but came back very soon.负责人看见修理工,就说:“这么快就修好了?”When the person in charge saw him, he said, "Fixed it so fast?"修理工说:“不是,我去了他们家,可是在门口按了半天门铃,也没有人出来开门,所以我只好回来了。”The repairman said, "No. I went to their home, but I pressed the doorbell at the door for ages and nobody came to open it, so I had no choice but to come back."
(四)好问的医生
前几天,我和同学踢球的时候受伤了,就去校医院看。A few days ago I got hurt while playing football with classmates, so I went to the campus hospital.没想到,碰到一个慢性子而且爱问为什么的医生。Unexpectedly, I ran into a doctor who was slow-tempered and loved to ask "why."
医生瞧了我一眼,问道:“怎么了?”The doctor glanced at me and asked, "What's wrong?"我说:“刚才踢球的时候小腿被人踢伤了,现在疼得很,麻烦大夫给我看一下儿吧。”I said, "Just now while playing football someone kicked my lower leg and hurt it. It really hurts now. Could you please take a look, doctor?"医生似乎并不着急查看我的伤腿,而是若有所思地问我:“操场上那么多人,人家为什么只踢你呢?”The doctor didn't seem in any hurry to examine my injured leg. Instead, as if deep in thought, he asked me, "There were so many people on the field. Why did he kick only you?"“因为他想射门,我去挡他,结果就被他踢了。”"Because he wanted to shoot at the goal and I went to block him, so I got kicked."我咬着牙,强忍着伤痛解释道。I explained, gritting my teeth and forcing myself to bear the pain.医生又不紧不慢地问:“那你干吗要挡他呢?”The doctor then asked, unhurried, "So why did you want to block him?"听他这么一问,我有些晕,只好回答说:“我们在比赛,我不挡他,他就要进球了。”Hearing that question, I was a little dazed and could only answer, "We were playing a match. If I didn't block him, he would have scored."这回医生似乎听明白了怎么回事。This time the doctor seemed to understand what had happened.可谁料,他又冲我问道:“他进球就进球吧,你这样受伤值得吗?”But who would have guessed, he asked me again, "If he scores, let him score. Was it worth getting hurt like this?"这下我彻底无话可说了。At that point I was left completely speechless.
(五)解词
吕教授对汉字很有研究。Professor Lü was an expert on Chinese characters.一天上课时,他兴致勃勃地给学生讲:“汉字有很多象形字,比如我这个‘吕’字,在古代是接吻的意思,你们看,口对口,多形象!”One day in class he enthusiastically told the students, "Many Chinese characters are pictographs. Take my character 吕, for example. In ancient times it meant 'to kiss'. Look: mouth to mouth. How vivid!"一个学生站起来问:“老师,要是‘吕’字是接吻的意思,那么‘品’字又怎么解释呢?是三个人一起接吻吗?”A student stood up and asked, "Professor, if 吕 means 'to kiss', then how do you explain 品? Three people kissing together?"
教授正想发火,又有一个学生站起来说:“我看‘品’字还好解释,‘器’字呢?四个人和一只狗在干什么呢?”Just as the professor was about to lose his temper, another student stood up and said, "I think 品 is still easy to explain. What about 器? What are four people and a dog doing?"全班同学顿时哈哈大笑起来。The whole class instantly burst out laughing.
吕教授把书一摔,气呼呼地提起包走了。Professor Lü slammed down his book, grabbed his bag in a huff, and left.